Wow. I've thought about posting but really hadn't realized it's been almost a year since the last one. A LOT has happened since then. And after reading the last post, I have changed (thank God) since then too.

I'm proud to say that at 1:06 on June 6, 2010 Tristan Ryan Mays was born. THAT seems like forever ago. He will be 6 months old in just a couple weeks. He came into the world a heck of lot easier than his brother 12 years before him. But looks just like his big brother Jared. Completely different personalities. Jared was an easy, care-free, happy baby. Tristan isn't the exact opposite, but let's just say he's a little bit more high maintenance. For the last six months he has consumed a lot of my time. I'm so thankful that I can be home with him.

Let's see......what else? Officially divorced. I'm not happy to be a divorce statistic, but you wouldn't have been able to tell by the "happy dance" I did in my driveway the day I got the divorce papers out of the mail. It was just closure. And I could say that I regret those years or wish they hadn't happened, but those five years made me who I am today. I learned. A LOT. And I think when I posted the last mini novel, I had planned to include more of my marriage horror stories in a later post. I'm not. They don't matter. I thought at the time that if someone read them it would help them, to possibly let them know they aren't alone, know that someone relates. And maybe it could. And if I had posted sooner, it still may have been therapeutic for myself, but now it's just opening wounds that have already healed.

And I am healed. It was, I think, sometime after Tristan was born that it dawned on me that I was back to being me. I will say this about my marriage......I had lost myself. And I think that was the worst part. Sure parts of me grew and matured, and that's not a bad thing. But I wasn't happy or funny or care-free, adventurous, optimistic....nothing that I feel that I've been my whole life. And now....I'm back. A better version. 2.0 if you will. I hear the birds chirp and am grateful for it. It reminds me that God has got my back. My outlook is sunny again. I'm back to believing that there's good in people, that not everyone is out to lie and cheat. I can be compassionate, thoughtful and caring, because I'm not worried about my own life and survival so much.

I've taken on a new business. IT has grown me and matured me in a very short period of time. And in that, my other business has thrived. Life is GOOD. The only thing that I can say is a "want" right now, is that I'd be better off financially, to make sure that my boys have everything they deserve. They are both awesome kids. My heart smiles just to think of them both. One is well on his way to becoming a nice young man and the other is cutting a tooth. Crazy. I have said it a million times, that a little over a year ago, I'd never have imagined my life would be where it is today, right at this moment. But now....I can't imagine it any different.

Thanksgiving is next week. Wow. I can't possibly list all the things that I'm thankful for. There isn't enough room on this server. But I will start. I'm thankful for my Father in heaven, who has protected me and brought me to this place. I'm thankful that he has given me the grace to not only survive, but to LIVE again. I'm thankful for my boys, Jared and Tristan. They motivate me to be all that God intended me to be. They are both His and He has a plan for them. I'm thankful for God seeing fit to make me a mom to such beautiful and intelligent boys (if I didn't mention, I'm positive Tristan is a genius like his bro-I just already know, heehee). I'm thankful for my mom, who has shown me how to be one. She has shown me God when I thought he wasn't around. She has been his arms hugging me and pushing me my whole life, knowing which to do at just the right time. I'm thankful for my dad and the relationship that we now have. I'm thankful, that unlike most men, he has just listened when I needed him to, no quick fix responses, just an ear when it was most needed. I'm thankful for my sister, who has jumped in to save the day on more than one occasion, but specifically a day not too long ago when all my mom tricks were exhausted and I was too and Tristan STILL was not happy. I'm thankful for the roof over my head, although not ideal, is Home. I have met people that live or have lived on the streets that will tell me how blessed I am to have this. And speaking of that, I'm thankful for a new friend this year that this time last year was homeless and now has a job and a place to live. And he offers humor to me every day that just lights up my day. I'm thankful for the people that God puts in my life that I wouldn't have picked out for myself necessarily that have been the best of friends. And speaking of best friends....Angela. Wow. This girl is amazing and has been a rock for me the last year. Hmm. Sometimes she is the keeper of my sanity. I LOVE YOU GIRL! I am thankful for both of my businesses. Each in their own rite had given me confidence to be all that I am supposed to. God has given me extraordinary talents and abilities and I'm thankful that I'm in a position to be able to use them, because others' go wasted. I'm thankful that somehow, someway I've been provided for. I have by no means everything I want, but miraculously all my needs are met just like the birds and the lillies (Matthew chapter 6 I think-check it out). I'm thankful for the people in my church who have shown me God's love, forgiveness and grace when it would have been easy not to. I'm also thankful for the ones that didn't. They have taught me a valuable lesson- how not to be. I'm thankful for social networking. It has allowed me to reconnect with people and meet others for the first time that have enriched my life, made me smile and offered encouragement.

I'm thankful for my Lord, Jesus Christ who saw me....lil ol me, and thought I was worth dying for. He knew I'd be a sinner. He knew I would get saved and STILL screw up. He knew all the bad things about me that I won't even list here, and he still thought about me and loved me enough to DIE for me. That is at the top of my list. Because without it, none of the other stuff would matter.

That's it. All I got. It's late. Tomorrow is church. In about 6 hours there will be a baby wanting to be fed. Life goes on........but it's SOOOOO good.