Trusting Him

Today I am really having to trust God alot. To take care of me, to protect me and to have my best intentions in mind. I have to trust him with my present and my future. I have to trust him enough to not play god myself.
Please pray for me that it will be easy.

The past and the future

Transferred post from New Years

Monday, January 05, 2009


"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, becuase God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" Romans 5:1-5
I guess I will do what everyone else seems to be doing. Almost everyone I know has written a blog about what has happened in their lives in the last year, and what they are looking forward to in the year to come. When I decided to do this as well, my mind was scattered. To say the last year has been crazy, would be an understatement and would not to the word "crazy" any justice.
The above passage is what was preached on in today's sermon. And it was exactly what was needed, because this past year has left me hopeless at times. It has been filled with many sorrows, deaths, trials, financial burdens and heartache. But I stand here today because I survived it all. That is by the grace of God. It is also because I have so many people in my life that have interceded on my behalf to our loving Father, when I was too weak, confused or hurt to pray for myself and my situation. I thank those of you, and you know who you are. My life has literally depended on those pleas and prayers. God heard you and anwered you, and because we often do not know the result of our prayers, I want to let you know that they mattered.
This year has made me question alot of things. Mostly, because I am my own worst critic, and often analyze everything, including myself, to pieces. Some things have been questioned by others. My faith has come into question. My moral code has been questioned. My sobriety and sanity have had their share too. What I know for sure is this....I am not the same person I was last year at this time. And with HOPE I will not be the same next year. In the sermon today at church, it was said, that no matter what we have been through in the last year, that it has prepared us for what is to come in the year ahead. I thank God. To know that all I have been through has not been in vain, is cause for celebration. If I learned just one thing out of every problem or struggle, then praise be to Him. And I believe I have. I know I have.
I know I am a strong person. I know this because God doesn't give us anything (temptations) that he doesn't equip us to get out of. And I know God has allowed alot to happen to me. I also know that I am strong, because people keep telling me I am. At times, this is not what I want to hear, because it usually comes in the midst of grief and sorrow, and has not allowed the pity party that I was throwing for myself. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. People tell you you are strong, and you feel an obligation to not let them down. Even when I didn't want to hear it, it has been an encouragement.
This past year has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. For those of you who know me, and know of the struggles I have encountered, you know that at times I was barely hanging on. I really just had no clue what to do, how to be or where to turn. And this is so unlike me. I am usually decisive and firm in what I know and do. I think now, that maybe I had to get myself out of the way so that God could do what he needed to do. And that is what I constantly have to do...get rid of myself.
In the midst of the troubles, there have also been reasons to celebrate. I turned 28 this past year. My son turned 10 and my husband, 35. I celebrated a two year anniversary this past September (whew, two down), made and renewed commitments to the Lord, have been in fairly good health, have a growing business and have made new friends and restored friendships that were what appeared to be hopeless.
Speaking of which...I have this friend now....for the last four years we have been at odds. And it came to an all out "fight" this year. Couldn't stand her. Reasoned with myself that it was her fault, surely not mine. But the Lord has a fuuny way of working sometimes. And about a month or so after we had our brawl, we started talking. And now we are the best of friends. I speak to her every morning, and my day seems to be lacking if that conversation, no matter how brief, doesn't happen. And there are no accidents. She not only has been a friend, but some much needed support in the hardest few months of my life. It surely was God working, because both of us had to "get ourselves out of the way" to let him work. And he has, and that is one more reason to be thankful. I am positive that she and I will spend eternity together, but it's nice to know we can get along while here on earth too. :)
Sorry...a little side note...now back to where I was going...God is good. All the time. He doesn't change. He is the same today, as he was yesterday, as he was ten or a thousand years ago, and he will be the same in the future too. It's a promise I count on. Sometimes I forget. I am the one who changes, tossed around by the circumstances in my life. But he never changes. He is the alpha and omega, beginning and end. He is good, merciful, just, loving, protecting, loyal, father, friend, all-knowing, all-powerful. And he just IS. And he cares about me.
"For I know the plans I have for you" declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future....Jeremiah 29:11
God has plans for ME. Can you imagine how comforting that is. When tomorrow is a big question mark, the future in seemingly unknown, there is a PLAN. I am not in control. Sure I make decisions from one day to the next, but I am working on HIS plan. I don't have to be in control. This is extremely hard for me. I have had so many things done TO me, that I decided a long time ago (unconsiously I believe) that I would not LET those things happen any more. But they have. No matter how much my hand was in any particular situation, or how much control I thought I had, I didn't. Really crappy things still happened. To me, by me. Either way. But I have a hope in knowing that God is in control. He has a plan.
Another verse that has meant alot to me this year is this one:"Therefore, I urge you brothers (and sisters, you), in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2
Now, part of that comes easy to me I think. The "do not conform" part. In some ways, I think I have always marched to my own beat. I think differently than alot of people. I see things where some do not. I am transparent to a fault at times. Honest too much sometimes. However, how to apply this in a Godly way has been a challenge. Seeing things differently isn't hard for me. Seeing them God's way is hard. And requires alot.
I know I have spent some time rambling. And being a little vague. Without knowing every detail of my past year, I hope that I have given you a glimpse of what I have learned and achieved. I have hope, offered by our Lord Jesus Christ. That is all that really matters. My problems are different from yours anyway. But our Lord can be the same Lord. We can all use that hope.
In the year 2009, I have some goals. I want to know God better. It's not about resolutions, do's and don'ts. It is about a relationship. One that has at times been very one-sided (my bad). It's a friendship like no other. One involving communication, commitment, time, effort, faith, hope, love. That is the kind of relationship I strive for.
I have some tangible ones though. I want to get healthier. Lose weight, quit smoking, have a better emotional well being. I want to get a job (have an interview on Tue), and/or get my business growing, start volunteering at the Greensboro Pregnancy Care Center in some way. Be a better wife. Be a better mom. Be a better everything. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither has been my life. But...there is hope.

developing perseverance

Transferred post

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I have been attending a Bible study on Monday nights for a while now. We are currently studying Jesus: his life, his purpose, his role as both God and man. We have been learning and discussing why those two roles are so important. As a man, he faced all of the same things we do. He was passionate. He was caring. He was also tempted. And I think that is very important to know. When faced with temptation in the desert, Jesus combatted Satan with the Word. He didn't have to defend himself in any other way. That was it. The Word of God was sufficient in defending the blows that satan was HOPING to land. And Jesus was not in the best shape. He had been in the desert for forty days and forty nights, without food and water, he was fasting. This fast was immediately after his baptism. He had just been baptized, as a human. After the baptism, he got affirmation from his Father. "This is my son, whom I love, with him I am well pleased". (Matthew 3:17). This is also important to know. This was a huge spiritual event in Jesus' life. And so Jesus was in the desert, hungry, weak and fully man when Satan approached him and offered him a range of things that would sound very appealing to the flesh, the human Jesus. And Jesus retaliated with the word. I have found often in my own life, that Satan operates, with us, just like he did with Jesus in the desert. He waits for us to be on a "spiritual high", when we are most threatening to him, and then he attacks us. He is stealthy, manipulative and cunning. "Be self controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8) When we are living for this world and not for God, we are no threat to Satan. However, when we proclaim our faith in him, he sees this as very threatening, and he will do all he can to cause us to stumble, trip up. I have had a fabulous year so far. To date, I believe, 2009 has been my best year. It has offered hope, refreshed dreams, happiness and love. Some pretty monumental things have happened in only a short period of time. For that I am thankful. Satan is not. He is constantly trying to trip me up. So I will do what I know to do, by Jesus example. I will proclaim the Word, the Bible's living word, new as today as it was yesterday.I have hope, because the Lord says: "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..." Jeremiah 29:11I also know that ALL things will work out because he promises this: "And we know in all things God works for the good of those who have been called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28I know he planned me. "You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too lofty and wonderful for me to attain." Psalm 139:5-6 and also "My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, you saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16I know that people who don't always have my best interest in mind, don't stop God from pursuing HIS best interest: "But Joseph said to them, 'Don't be afraid. Am I not in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives..." Genesis 50:19-20I know that those same people are acting under a different authority: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" Ephesians 6:12And I know that I am a better person for having gone through each trial, tribulation and defeat. I have learned alot, about life, God and myself. I am a better mother, wife, daughter, friend and person because of each hurdle. My spiritual life is stronger. My marriage is stronger. My relationships are stronger. I am more focused on what is important and what is not. I am learning not to "sweat the small stuff" and learning to ask myself "Will this matter in ten years?". Sometimes I wonder if it will even matter in ten minutes. And sometimes it is hard to answer that question with an affirmative "NO" because things seem so big when they are in front of your face. But my God is bigger than anything that can be thrown at me. He's bigger than any insult. He's bigger than any problem. He is bigger than any lie. He is big enough to defend me. I am his. "Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up" James 4:10"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

I am on purpose

Another transferred post:

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Psalm 139
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.Before a word in on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there;if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will on me fast.If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.When I awake, I am still with you.If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me you bloodthirsty men!They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I am a sinner

Another transferred post:

Sunday, April 05, 2009

Oh, where to start?I just deleted a previous blog that I has posted to defend myself. I've realized since posting it, that it didn't prove anything. People that know me, don't think any differently of me for it, and the people that don't know me don't either obviously. I feel the constant need to defend myself. This is something I am working on. I know that I had every right to be "righteously angry" about what happened in the last week. But I know the truth, the other party knows the truth, and more importantly God knows the truth. There is nothing I can say or do to change the events in the last week. There is nothing I can say or do to change the past either, whether it be two weeks ago, four months ago or seven years ago. And I sure cannot take responsibility for a past that is not even my own. What I do know is this...I am free of my past. Free of it. I heard a sermon once saying that in the Old Testament when someone had a debt, and then repayed the debt that there was a note put on their doorpost saying that the debt had been paid in full. Well, there is a proverbial note on my forehead. All my past mistakes are paid for. They are never to be revisited. God has forgiven me for them and over time I have learned to forgive myself. By not acknowledging that, I would be saying that it was a mistake for my savior, Jesus Christ to go to the cross, that it was not worth it. That God really screwed up. But he didn't. I will tell you what Jesus wore on the cross for me. He wore every lie I ever told. He wore every drug I ever took. He wore every unholy sexual encounter that I participated in. He wore every judgement I made against someone else. He put on the hatred that I carried. He carried the guilt that I put on myself and was put on me by others. He wore self-hate. He wore the gossip and the cruelty. He put on the depression. He wore every disrespectful thing I did to my parents. He put every sin I ever committed on himself. He wore it as his own, a completely perfect person, made himself like me on that cross so that I would not have to live a life and die a death of condemnation. But God also loves me enough to not be done with me. Every sin I have committed has had consequences. Some were immediate and some evolved over time. I had relationships to mend. I had apologies to be made to people that I hurt. I have a son that was born out of a bad decision. And the consequences of raising a son in a seperated home has so many ramifications. Btu I also know that God has taught me so much, even in letting me reap what I have sown over the years.I never take for granted that I wake up in the morning and breathe in air. Over the years I have put myself in countless situations that I should or could have never made it out of (don't freak out MOM). God protected me. I have been in the muddy, dark pit so many times in my life that I didn't want to go on, didn't want to take another breath, pleaded to God to take me off this earth. I am so thankful that he didn't. And because he hasn't, I realize there is a good reason. He is not done with me yet. When I take my final breath on this earth, I will know that I have come to accomplish whatever task God had set out for me even before my existence. Until then, I will keep searching, keep learning, keep growing.....and keep asking for forgiveness. If there comes a point when I think I've made it, that I'm not making any mistakes, not committing any sins, I will know there is trouble. God brings things to my attention all the time to let me know I have work to do. I just thank him that he doesn't do it all at one time, or I'm sure I would be like a crashed computer. I have had a truly blessed day. And I just wanted to share some thoughts. Thanks for reading and I hope that you realize your blessings....there are many.

Do you believe I am who I say that I am

Mom wanted me to transfer my blogs from myspace to here. This was posted the week after Easter:


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I have been meaning to get on here and post since Sunday, but things have been crazy.I had a wonderful Easter this year. It meant alot more to me this year than in years past. I seem to recognize the significance of Jesus' sacrifice in a way that I never have before. I have long realized that Jesus died for me and my sins, to award me a place in heaven, by just believing in him and asking for forgivess. But for whatever reason, this year it meant so much more. Maybe it was because 08 was by far the hardest year of my life. Without my faith in God, and my salvation, I am not sure where I would be now. The year tested me and tempted me in so many ways. But I can confidently say that I made it through, that I was PULLED through. Strength came from a place completely outside of myself. I can also say that I consider the year to be a stepping stone, a growing experience, a refining. I am not the person I was a year ago. Not by a long shot.The sermon on Easter was about whether you trust Jesus to be who he says he is. He asks this question of Martha after Lazarus dies. Little does she know that Jesus will raise Lazarus from the dead. John 11:25 says: 25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" Martha had a second to answer this question, like so many of us do. She answered that yes, she did believe him to be "Christ,[b] the Son of God, who was to come into the world". She could have wavered. She could have hesitated. But she didn't. And Lazarus, her brother, was raised from the dead.Oh, and I should mention that earlier in the conversation she blamed Jesus for her brother's death, saying that if only Jesus had been there, Lazarus wouldn't have died in the first place.So many times Jesus has asked me, "do you believe me?". Honestly, there have been countless times that I have said "nope". I continued on my own path, trying to make things better all on my own (even sometimes after blaming him in the first place). Which is funny to me, now, to think that I could do a better job than him, making my life better.So Jesus will continue to ask me/us "Do you believe this", that he is who he says he is. He is the Son of God, our friend, our Comfortor, our Brother, our Savior.We must always answer "YES"When the economy stinks...YES When marriage is hard...YES When kids don't act the way you think they should...YES When you are facing health issues...YESWhen you lose someone you love....YES When a spouse cheats....YES When you are overcoming a sin....YES When you just can't stand to even look at yourself....YES When you just aren't sure which direction life is going...YES And I mention the tough times because that it is when it is harder to answer that question with a yes. When things are peachy, you are FEELING blessed, everything is looking up...it is then it is very easy to say "Yep, Jesus died for me and he is all that he says he is". It is then that we thank God for all he does. We should equally recognize God when things aren't so peachy. No matter what the circumstances are, you can always and should always answer YES. Jesus is there waiting on you to answer. He is waiting on me to answer. He is waiting on us to believe that he is who he says is, who he IS.My Redeemer LIVES.

Right to Life

A little over 11 years ago, when I was only 17, I found out I was pregnant. I had just quit high school. That is another story in itself. After telling my mom that I was pregnant, she sought the counsel of our pastor, Pastor Buddy Rampey. I met with him and we discussed a few things, and he asked if I would be open to going to talk to a counselor at the Greenboro Pregnancy Care Center (it was a different name then that I cannot for the life of me remember). I agreed and one morning he took me there.

The GPCC is a non-profit organization that counsels, helps and guides those that find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy. I really had no idea what to expect there, but what I found there was warmth. For one, it is not in a clinical type environment. It is in an older house right on the outside of downtown Greensboro. One of those older houses that is being used for commercial purposes like so many on that road. But by being in a house you didn't feel like you were going into a sterile, cold doctor's office. And it's not a doctor's office. I'm not even sure they have any doctor's there. What they do have is a lot of people that genuinely care about people: girls, women, boys, men - and the babies these people create. Notice I say "babies" because they believe life starts at conception. However, I never felt pressured to believe what they believe or to do as they desired me to do.

Now having said all of that, I was probably different than most cases that walk through their doors. Although I was young and pregnant, like many, I had never considered abortion. NEVER. I was raised in a church that valued the sanctity of life. I had stood on street curbs holding up signs saying as much. I also had the support of so many people. At the time, the baby's father and I were still together. I had my parents, who were not wild about their teenage daughter being pregnant, but were supportive nonetheless. And although at the time I went to GPCC no one from the church knew I was pregnant, I somehow knew that they would love me and love my baby no matter what. I believe that I was taken to GPCC to kind of air out my thoughts and feelings, concerns and fears, and possibly to consider adoption. But that really wasn't an option for me either. It is something I knew I couldn't emotionally do.

My son is now 10, almost 11. He is a wonderful, amazing, intelligent, caring, funny, awesome, soft hearted kid. He is the gift that God promised me he would be, as every child is.

I tell all of this, because it is the time of year for GPCC to have their fundraising walk. And I am a dingbat and can't remember if it's "walk for life" or "right to life walk". Whatever...not important. They use this fundraiser to get monies to keep their doors open. They are one of the few pregnancy care centers to offer ultrasound imaging to their clients. And of course, by seeing the life within, this drastically reduced the number of clients that leave and later have abortions elsewhere. They are trying to offer the latest technology to battle this war that started with Roe v. Wade.

I am confident that God is using this organization, these people, this house to reach people. And it's not all about saving the babies. Some of the women and girls that go into this place have no smiling faces, hugs, comfort or reassurance offered to them by anyone else. Having an unplanned pregnancy is scary. Having a warm smile and a kind word offered to you goes a long way.

I have placed a widget on the side of my blog with my fundraising info. Although the walk is this weekend, April 25, the donations will be accepted through July 25. You can click on the widget or go to http://www.firstgiving.com/reneerodriguez , and see my status, my fundraising goals, a picture of my beautiful son, Jared and other info. Whatever you can donate to this cause will go a long way. God has the power to turn any offering into a grand one. I'm sure the boy with the loaves of bread and the fish never would have thought his lunch would feed 5000 + people. But God has a way of stretching what we give to advance and glorify his kingdom.

I thank you in advance for whatever you are able to give.

New to the Blog World

I just wanted to post to kind of introduce myself. The people that will read this initially already know me, everything about me in fact. I am an open book. I have been told I am very "transparent". I am not sure that is always such a good thing. I am new to Blogspot, although I have posted some blogs on Myspace and Facebook. Once again, I am transparent, and you can find my profiles there as well, because they are public. But I wanted to blog and reach people that may not want the hassle of creating a Facebook or Myspace account. My mom, "bless her heart", is all up on technology and has profiles on both of those sites. My father did have one, but then forgot the password and email that he used to create it. So if you find him out there and he doesn't respond to you, don't take it personal.


Anyway. This blog will be about my walk with Christ, mostly. I live in this world, and for now have to deal with the same stuff that everyone else does. But I choose to look at it through a different lense than the majority of the world. I try, and this is getting easier, to see things as God would see them. I have to continually ask for his help in this matter, because I am a sinner. I was born that way. We all are. But I hope every day to get a little closer to who he wants me to be, and that is a person that resembles his Son.

So, that is that. Don't know how often I will post, or if it will even interest the common reader. My mom and dad may very well be the only ones that ever read my stuff. And that is ok with me. My only goal in blogging is to help people see that God doesn't always fit in the box that people create for Him. He usually surprises and amazes, and is never a cookie cutter god. I hope that the people that don't know him, see him when they hear me talking about my experiences as a Christian. God is GOOD all the time!