No vacation

Oh, I forgot to mention that after that last post I decided to stay in town after all. And the great thing about that is that God meets us anywhere we are. Truth is, He is always there, we are the ones that have to show up for the meeting. And as nice as it would have been to sit by the water and have some alone time with God, he met me on the softball field tonight. And he will be waiting for me tonight when I lay my head down. And he will speak to me through the children that I will be teaching tomorrow. He is always there.....I am deciding to show up. There. And there. And there.

Hebrews 13:5

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5

I am sure everyone, at some point, has felt abandoned. Alone. Forsaken. One week ago I was at that place. I felt so alone, betrayed, confused and depressed. I am an open book, usually one that can adequately explain what I feel and think, and yet I am at loss for words on exactly how I felt forsaken. Forsaken by people in my life and by God. I felt as though I had no one. Yet in at that place I realized, after time, that I did have God. And although I felt like I was in a living hell, I realized that Hell would be different because there would be no God, felt or unfelt. In Hell, he will not be there.
Here I am thinking that I have come so far in my spiritual walk that I feel, now, ashamed of how I felt then, a week ago. Because I wanted to die. And yet I am here. God pulled me through again...out of another pit. In the midst of my pain, I did think of the apostle Paul who was put in prison and could sing praises to God despite his circumstances. I can say, that even though I wasn't cursing God, I sure was not singing praise to him. I honestly thought about it, wanted to, but just did not have it in me. I was broken. Completely broken. I was hurt. And I was mad. And I said and did things that did not portray a very Christ like attitude. I acted out out of pain and betrayal. So, again, I am realizing that I have a long way to go.
But I am thankful for his protection of me from myself. And I am so thankful for his grace and mercy, which was extended to me by Him through people that I will never see again. People that I'm sure never even knew they were being used by God to bring some hope to me.
Which leads me to thinking how important it is for us, who call ourselves Christians to be kind to others. We never know when someone may be experiencing their own version of a living hell, and how our kindness may save them, literally save their lives. Kindness being a word or encouragement, a word of hope or even a smile and a wink. For me it was being offered a sip of water like the Samaritan woman at the well. It really is the little things.
I am more thankful today, than last week for my faith in God. He restores me, heals my brokeness and offers a hope. It is well with my soul.
And I hope the next time I am in a proverbial prison, I can sing praises to Him despite my circumstances. That is my goal. To be like Paul, who was like Christ, who is God.

Faith is believing in something you can't see, explain or feel right?
My faith in God is what is getting me through right now. Because I am sure not feeling good about things. I sure can't see the outcome. And for the life of me I cannot explain my life to anyone right now.
I have debated all week whether to go on a trip that I was supposed to take with my husband. It looks like I will be going....alone. I am hoping that I will meet God there for a little one on one time. That he will speak to my heart and my mind and give me the restoration and relaxation that I have desperately needed for a long time.
And I am going to try to not feel guilty about it. I have other commitments here in town, that I will surely be thinking about. I just hope that everyone understands that sometimes we have to make ourselves a priority. And this weekend is the time for me to do that.
Please pray for me this weekend as you think about it. Pray that God will grant me a peace that "transcends all understanding". Peace is something I have lived without for so long.